By letting our emotions get the better of us; we all said something at some point in Life, only to regret later for saying it and wished for those words could be taken back.
Despite apologizing or sincerely feel remorseful for what’s been said or find ways to mend, the scars would still likely remain.
For what has happened cannot be undone and instead we have to live with the consequences of letting our emotions run amok with our mouth.
“Be careful with your words, once they are said, they can be only forgiven but not forgotten”. Let this famous proverb sink in.
When two persons argue especially vociferously, things are likely to escalate on both the sides. Thus, promoting them to speak something they don’t mean.
(Regardless; if the person you are arguing to is your Best Friend or even Family Member) Once you start arguing with anyone; false sense of pride and stubbornness usually clouds your judgement.
So, it is just easy to walk away before things go out of control in the first place. By choosing to argue you may have a temporary moment of satisfaction by speaking up but later on, you may be forced to go through unnecessary troubles.
For instance: when someone starts to discuss on a topic that you feel passionate about, simply request a change of subject.
But if they insist on continuing and expect you support their opinion or views which you feel strongly against; again tell them you disagree and that you do not wish to have an argument about this.
If you are unable to change the subject; just peacefully walk away as discretion is better than false bravado (thereby reducing unnecessary stresses or negative emotions).
Based on a famous Proverb; the following effective ways helps you to avoid saying something that may cause regret, simply by letting your words pass through 3 Gates:
At the First Gate, ask yourself: “Is is True?”
At the Second Gate ask: “Is it Necessary?”
At the Third Gate ask: “Is it Kind?”
What is the 3 Gates of Speech?
Many faiths use a similar adage to promote the use of the right way to converse with anyone. The fact of the matter is it does not matter where this proverb originated (whether it’s from Buddha, Socrates or Sufism Religion or anywhere else).
What matters is to truly to be mindful about the way we speak by letting our words pass through these 3 Emblematic Gates before we speak.
If the answer to any of 3 Questions is “No”, then it is probably wise not to talk and not to speak our mind.
- Is it True?
Unfortunately we live in a world where there are some people who will intentionally tell lies, which an average person unintentionally tell lies during everyday conversation.
Sometimes we pass on information that we overheard from someone else and pass this information without verifying the validity on to somebody else as this information can also be exaggerated to some extent or completely false due to factual inaccuracies or not properly remembering what exactly happened.
Therefore, ask yourself before speaking, “Is this true?” and if it is not, ask yourself why you are saying it and what are you trying to convey by misrepresenting yourself.
- Is it Necessary?
It is not always important or helpful to air our disapproval or dissatisfaction. So, it is important then ask yourself “Is it necessary?”
Even if the answer is yes, then it is always helpful to ask yourself “Is it necessary to say this right now or in doing so does that cause harm to the conversation by upsetting or offending the person with whom you are talking to?”
- Is it Kind?
Different people interpret your words differently and that you are not responsible for their feelings. However, it is important to be consciously aware of our words and the impact it could have on another person. Therefore; we should always ask ourselves, “Is what I am about to say is kind to the person with whom I am conversing with?”
No one in their right mind would still want to say things that are considered not kind and hurt the person with whom we are conversing.
Verdict: As always, we have to be mindful about the way to talk to anyone otherwise that can result in disastrous consequences. Remember, our actions whether good or bad becomes our Karma.
Yet, there is no need to analyse or overthink every words we are about to speak during every conversation but in doing so, would avoid hurting anyone.
Regardless, we should always make the effort to be mindful about our words when talking.
#3Gates #Wisdom #True #Necessary #Kind #Lifestyle